the pants situation

eugenics vs. economics.

2009-01-30T05:04:00.014+02:00

hello my long lost pals! i have been on vacation for the last 6 months on my home planet (dwarf, star whatever!) Pluto. In Pluto I was greeted with a parade and a telescope (instead of fireworks we just look directly at the sun). Everyone was very excited to see me. They said that a fellow plutonian had internet access on another planet where the little prince had shown him my blog and my movie on youtube! Such a small universe! I showed them the biography written about the little prince. my favorite book. i'm working on my networking skills, but sometimes i get caught in it, or fall and there isn't one. the job market has really been tough in the universe. In pluto, my fellow monsters said the only way to stimulate the economy was for me to reproduce. they said that if there was a planet (dwarf, star whatever!) full of eugenes then it would be a better place! i gave one thumb up and one down. i said "if every monster is a eugene monster then i wouldn't be so special." maybe that was a shellfish thing to say but hey, oysters aren't that bad. then i told them to read the little prince. in the book he tells everyone how to fix the universe... he says, "here is my secret. It is very simple. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; What is essential is invisible to the eye." so there you go. that is what should stimulate the economy.

Eugene with a capital EEE.

2008-03-16T02:42:00.003+02:00

i have just returned back to planet california from OUR nation's capital Washington D.C. although i am technically an illegal monster. (i'm studying for the citizenship test... hoping there is actually a ship involved) i consider myself an american or at least plutonian-american. so i went to Washington D.C. to see what america is actually about... from the founding fathers perspective, and the faces on money (it's all about the hamiltons baby!). well, what i discovered about washingtion is that... they do a ton of wash there. seriously. a ton. those monuments are spotless!

casting call for animals, birds, and of course MONSTERS!

2007-11-28T23:07:00.000+02:00

so for all of my plutonian peeps out there, i have finally completed the first rough draft of my screenplay entitled "Eugene Saint Francis of Assisi: patron saint of animals, birds, and monsters." I call it a rough draft because it's written on sand paper... it was the only paper i found in my writing tool box. after i finished, i realized that sand paper was not originally intended for writing. then i looked at my hands and realized they were not intended for writing either. but i still give the play two thumbs up. sock monkey will play a franciscan MONKey, Nick will play an animal, and Heather of course... a bird. Now i just need a few fellow monsters to join in the fun. how 'bout it? i will be having an open casting call tomorrow starting at 2am. i know most monsters don't come out of the closet/underneath the bed until around midnight so it should give you some time to practice your lines. see you then!

take 1. quiet on the set.... and ACTION!....

just practicing.

the golden gate...bridge.

2007-07-12T01:16:00.000+03:00

nick and heather took me and my new friend sock (monkey) across the golden gate bridge. we glided across in a big white boat on wheels. i believe they called it a ford taurus. i stuck my head out the window to breathe in the fresh bay air and wished for a moment i knew how to swim. i hear the golden gate bridge is a very popular spot to jump off and go for a little swim. i didn't have my swim trunks or my floaties so i thought heather might get a little P.O.ed if i took the plunge. sock monkey (who likes to hang up-side-down from things whilst eating a banana) said he would like to "hang" out next time... the big white boat on wheels kept truckin' and soon enough we were off of the bridge and on a crowded freeway. i don't know why they call it "free". i guess in the monetary sense. i made a few dollars off of sock in the backseat while we were stuck in traffic playing a game of slugbug. i also got the pleasure of hitting him everytime i saw a bug. most of them were smashed on the windshield. soon enough we were off of that concrete highway and on a rocky beach surrounded by nature. then nature called, so i had to sneak off quickly by pretending the wind blew me away. nick took some pictures of me and sock laxing on a rock. will post them soon.

i miss nick and his biological make-up.

2006-11-14T06:07:00.000+02:00

yes. it's true. i miss nick and his 501 genes. girls have a different type of make-up. even though i am slightly androgenous, i lean towards the male monster side and sometimes being around so many females can be a little overwhelming. but i am taking notes on my observations of the female species. here are some short-hand (i have short hands) notes i've been taking....

habits in a female habitat...

they have pets called closets. these closets eat clothes. girls feed their closets so many clothes that their poor closets throw up all over the place and regurgitated clothes are strown everywhere. but they don't care. they still wear the closet's barf they call "outfits." then they ask each other whether they look good. the reply is always "yes." they paint their faces with what they refer to as make-up. one time they tried to put this red crayon stuff on my line mouth... they said it was a stick for lips and it would make my lips look pouty and bring out my eyes. then out of nowhere a dress came flying and hit me in the kisser. i never thought i would like closet spew but i thanked the bulimic house of clothes for saving me. sometimes they have pillow fights... i don't mind that, as long as they don't mistake me for a pillow. although i am pretty comfy.

planet hollywood

2006-10-10T03:45:00.001+03:00

i finally landed on planet hollywood...no not the cheesy restaurant chain endorsed by the governator and sly stallone. it's the land of many rare celebrity species. on my first day, i stepped out of my hotel and to my surprise the pavement was being repaved... i had my ray bans on so my sight was a little skewd and i fell into the wet cement face first leaving hand, feet, and face prints. instead of going biserk (a plutonian colloquialism for crazy) i called my agent and signed my name eugene francis. although it was no hollywood blvd. i gave it two thumb up. although, it is getting harder and harder to move my limbs. i think the cement has dried. i spend the day reciting charles bukowski poems while drinking an apple juice.

Outrage

2006-08-24T21:34:00.000+03:00

Today, a bunch of scientists in Prague decided that my home planet, Pluto is just an object-- a dwarf planet. It may be small, it may only pass the sun every 250 years, but some monsters still call it home. I may be small but i'm not a dwarf. There are only 1.2 million people living in Prague, I say its a village. This is bullshit.

happy birthday nicolas!

2006-07-28T21:45:00.000+03:00

breakout the champagne and the monster f***** condiments. ketchup is my favorite condiment. so for nick's birthday i gave him a big bottle of heinz ketchup... and let him preview my upcoming calendar photos. he liked this one the best....

postcard from dubba ya...

2006-07-28T21:28:00.000+03:00

today i recieved a postcard from the president. it read:
"dear eugene,

here in our nation's capital the temperature is over 100 degrees. so why's my approval rate-ing below 35 percent? this foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating. but then again i am the master of low expectations. i miss you, eugene.

love, george"

i'm not quite sure what he meant. but i did notice the handwriting looked kind of funny. i had a mute handwriting specialist look at it to determine whether or not it was written by the president himself. and.... being a mute handwriting specialist myself, i came to the conclusion that it's legit. just two questions... why did he spray the postcard with some sort of cologne that smells like urine? and how did he find me in latvia? do you think he saw my blog? strange. maybe he's got me mixed up with another monster. he does know plenty of them.

wild dance of blue cows

2006-07-11T02:04:00.000+03:00

i was walking down the street, i was shufflin' my feet. i was snappin' my fingers to the beat of the song playin' in my head... "hey! what's a matter man. we gonna come around at 12 with some poor rigan girls who're just dyyyyyyin' to meetcha...." i heard their bells ring as they walked down the street. they wear those killer high hooves. "mooooooo," they say, but i never pay any attention to them anyway. heffers.

musical eugenius

2006-07-06T13:24:00.000+03:00

i'm having an exhibition in our living room this week. entitled rock musika. other drawings include prodigy, the backstreet boys, madonna (circa ray of light), and the counting crows. there will be a reception of cookies and milk. please join me and my new squirrelfriend. isn't she cute...

blowin' in the wind

2006-06-28T12:20:00.000+03:00

the answer my friend is blowin' in the wind. the answer is blowin' in the wind. cut to harmonica.

darkless nights

2006-06-28T12:09:00.000+03:00

it was a beautiful night here in riga. as you can see it never gets dark. summer solstice is here. blue skies. hot chicks (baby seagulls don't like the sun). i've been working on my tan (a darker grey) 16 hours a day. is it hot in here?? or is it just me?

John Travolta

2006-06-25T12:11:00.000+03:00

Quentin Tarrentino's seminal 1994 film "Pulp Fiction" single-handedly revived John Travolta's acting career, something that would have been better left dead.

plants grow when you plant them

2006-06-25T11:47:00.000+03:00

Did you ever wonder how to grow your own plants? Apparently it's pretty easy. Plants come from seeds. Put the seeds in a pot and they turn into plants. And I thought the stork brought them. The plants sit in the window all day. We watch them grow bigger and bigger, we care for them, we water them. Then one day we eat them.

seagulls from seagullda

2006-06-10T11:12:00.000+03:00

there are seagulls inhabiting the abandoned rooftop across the way. they have nested there to rear threee baby seagulls. for chicks, excitement is walking all the way to the other end of the rooftop before they are called back to the nest. i watch them from the windowsill in anticipation of their first flight. like i said... i don't get out much.

why nic leaves the toilet seat up...

2006-06-09T11:17:00.000+03:00

I don't get out much

2006-06-04T21:42:00.000+03:00